28th April.

Woke up, fell out of bed, dragged a comb across my head. Found my way downstairs and drank a cup and looking up I noticed I was late. Grabbed my case and grabbed my hat made the plane in seconds flat. Found my way inside and had a smoke and somebody spoke and I got thrown off for lighting up.......actually that bit is a lie. Good flight though and when I got to Newark I anticipated a long haul through Immigration. I wasn't wrong.

Immigration official: Hello, how long are you going to be in the US for?
Keithie: I'm visiting some friends and flying back on 5th May.
Immigration official: What job do you do?
Keithie: I work for Her Majesty The Queen at Buckingham Palace.
Immigration official: Right.....
At this point he looks at me as if to say "You're taking the piss you Limey B*****d" and writes something on my customs form.
Immigration official: Thank you. You can go through that door over there.

I walk through the door and notice that all the other passengers are going through a different door. My heart misses three beats as another official calls me over while donning a pair of plastic gloves

Thankfully it's only to search through every bit of luggage I have.....this takes ages as he keeps asking me about work. Me and my big mouth. I should have just said "I'm a London Tour Guide"....D'oh!!!

Eventually make it onto US soil and go to find Brian and Martha who are about to embark on their own adventure.......The VAX Motel. "Mother!! What have you done?" queue Psycho music.

As usual I go the wrong way but eventually spot a huge pony tail. The poor Schenkenburgers nearly jump out of their skins as I appear from behind with a loud "Rock and Roll".

We have a while to wait for Mr Mortis so decide that a couple of pints of Nigerian Lager would be in order. A bar is found and said beer ordered and quickly quaffed followed by another round.

"That will be $66 please" says the bar maid. "WHAT????" says three stunned people in unison. "$11 a pint? That's bloody ridiculous" but having already downed the beer there was nothing to do but cough up the loot.

RM finally appears and we head off to the Place that will be home for the next few days.

The rest of the day goes by without incident but with a few more pints of G juice and a little sleep is had. A prayer is said before bed-time to St Vivian, the patron saint of hangovers.

29th April.

Woke up fell off the bed………..sorry, we’ve done that one.

Had to get ready in a hurry to drive into Philadelphia to meet Teermin8r and his lovely daughter Rachel at the airport. We then head off into town for some fodder.

They say “When in Rome” but it was more a question of “When in Philly…..eat Cheese steaks”. A new experience for this Brit and one that will have to be repeated (not in the burping sense) as they were YUMMY!!! Naturally I offended all the yanks by smothering mine in Ketchup but that’s the sort of plebian I am. They were washed down with a few bottles of beer and it was decided that a little sight seeing was in order before the evening’s Baseball match. We went to Independence Hall and, as a tour guide myself, I was impressed with the chap who told us all about the history of the place. Very interesting.

We then headed over to the stadium to watch The Phillies play The Padres. Another new experience for me and I LOVED it especially as the home side won 4-3 in the ninth (I think that’s how you say it.) Great fun.

30th April.

Took a trip into New York City today. There was a problem with the rail network and so we had to go a different route that took us via The WTC. Rather upsetting for all concerned I think but we eventually made it to Grand Central Station and marveled at the magnificent building. Went on to the Empire State Building and after queuing for what seemed like ages finally made it to the top. GREAT VIEW!!!! I can’t believe that VAX and Martha hadn’t ever been up there before. Amazing!! Decided that a drink was required so walked a few blocks to NY Stout and drank a few pints of Mother’s Milk, a delicious dark beer. The general consensus was that if Mother’s milk was really like this we would never have been weaned. Also ate the best rack of ribs I’ve had in years. Then the nightmare began!!!!!!!!!

T8R decided that Times Square should be the next port of call. “Great!” says I so off we trudge. It wasn’t really that far and we got chatting to a couple of really friendly cops which was nice. T8R then decided that The MAC shop had to be visited. “Aaaaarrrrgggghhhhh!” It was bloody miles away and by the time we got there I was knackered! Interesting building though….a glass cube with glass stairs and a glass elevator and thousands of Geeks….LOL! I nipped over the road to Berk Doofus and Goodman (or something like that) to get Pam a birthday present.

Keithie: How much is that scarf please miss?
Shop assistant: That’s Three fifty five sir.
Keithie: Three dollars fifty five cents? I’ll take it.
Shop assistant (getting all serious): No sir. Three Hundred and Fifty Five dollars.
Keithie: I know. It was a joke…………D’oh!!!

Back to VAX’s and after more Guinness some sleep.

1st May.

A quieter sort of day with some drives around VAX’s old hunting grounds. Saw the hanger the Hindenburg was kept in but couldn’t go in to see it because of us foreign nationals. Understandable really. Mortis and I are a real risk…..I appreciate that. However, that did mean that we could go to VAX’s old college and look at the architecture and visit The windmill burger joint for Chili dogs and Cheeseburgers. Mine was so good I took a photo of it to remember it by.

When we got home the fun really started. A few beers (Really?) then off for a Japanese meal. Brian and Martha had bought a bottle of Saki, a drink I’m rather partial to and that was quaffed as the chef cooked the meals at the table. He also poured copious amounts of Saki down my and VAX’s throat. I had a feeling that it would kick in later so I lay off the Nigerian Lager back at the house. Not so Mr VAX.

Two hours later the rice wine hit the spot and I was reeling. So drunk I had to crawl up the stairs on hands and knees to go to the loo. VAX, poor man, suddenly announced he was going to bed. Good, we all thought, he’s looking a little worse for wear. Quite how only became apparent when Martha announced that we had missed an ideal Kodak moment. VAX unconscious and face down on their bed with his bare backside in the air. The thought of that almost sobered me up…..almost!! St Vivian was prayed to that night but she couldn’t have been listening too well as my hangover the next morning was a killer and we had to get to the festival in the Moon bus.

Did I mention that we were going to ROSfest?

I’ll review the festival in another post.